Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Advantages of having a German Pope, which some accuse of being a former nazi

[Note: This is humour, a parody, folks. Don't read if you're too easily offended!]

1. Forget those complaints about the Roman Catholic Churc moving slowly and not keeping up with the times!. The old (John Paul II´s) italian-made "Popemobile" will be replaced with a sports model specially designed in Germany by BMW, sporting ABS brakes, a maximum speed of 198 mph, an onboard computer and GPS, plus airbags. That will surely help quiet those accusations that the Catholic Churc Moves Too Slowly. Ha! the new German Pope will be able to speed without limits on the Autobahn!
Now there will be a tasty reason to attend!. The new Pope will guarantee more attendance to religious services, because now... priests will be allowed to hand out each comunion wafer along with a tasty german slice of Leberwurst!.
3. Confessions will be PAINLESS. The classic confessionary will be re-designed according to a new model proposed by Pope Ratzinger. Now the priest will stay outside, and the sinner will confess his sins inside an air locked chamber. It is necesary for the priest to be outside so he can press the button opening the gas valves, if needed.
4. Catholic Symbols get a facelift. The catholic churc will rejuvenate the classic cross symbol, adding four extra lines, one to each extreme of the cross.
5. New dress code. Ratzinger’s past included a brief membership of the Hitler Youth movement, which according to him "dressed muuuch muuuch betterrrr than the current crop of Catholic altar boys!!!!!!!" (read in maniacally voice ;). Expect the altar boy outfits to be redesigned as well.
6. No chance of misunderstood messages. The classic Easter message delivered by the Pope will be changed slightly. Instead of "Happy Easter", Pope Ratzinger´s message will now end with "Happy Easter, it´s an order!".

Have any other ideas of coming changes to the Catholic Church? Post those below by clicking on the "x comment(s)" link below this.


Anonymous said...

I have another: The new Pope will never be too tired to raise his right arm and give a blessing to the masses, he spent plenty of time rasing it when he was young. :P

Anonymous said...

Good post, I´m sure some tv comedian is going to come up with good ones. Whether or not our TV will air such skit is another issue.

Where´s good old SNL when one needs it?.

Anonymous said...

I am shocked and horrified that you make fun of the Pope, regardless of his conservative positions out-of-touch with reality, plenty of which I do not agree with.

But hey, it's the Pope!


Anonymous said...

relax v... he's just putting a fun spin on reality, you know, parody... like the guys at www.theonion.com do...